


Comin up No's

by TaJaDorPorn1227



Category: Kamen Rider OOO
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-18
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2018-08-15 15:51:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8062408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaJaDorPorn1227/pseuds/TaJaDorPorn1227
Summary: The other Greeed start hitting on Eiji, Chiyoko finds it frankly hilarious, Hina Does Not, Eiji has literally no clue what's going on, and Ankh is Petty over the whole thing.Hopefully a Comedy, hope I don't run out of Cous Coussier themes while writing, hope to include smut as well. Title credit to mage-of-eternal-time on tumblr





	1. Ankh- the Original Angry Birb

 “Here, Ankh-chan. One of your friends stopped by earlier to drop off something for you.” Chiyoko, business owner and mom friend extraordinaire, pushed the magazine and ice cream into the curly-haired man’s arms. She returned to the kitchen where the order from one table of customers was almost ready.

 

“Where’s Eiji?” Ankh demanded crossly as he leaned on the counter by the kitchen, flinging the magazine on the chair next to him unconcernedly. “He’s supposed to be here, right?”

 

“Eiji-kun went to get some supplies for Chiyoko-san.” Hina said as she walked by in a bronze coronet studded with rose quartz and pale green-and-cream dress, holding a tray with pink doilies handing off the sides. Ankh clicked his tongue in annoyance and leaned back as he deep-throated the ice cream.

 

Chiyoko bustled out of the kitchen holding some drinks for the new table of customers and a plastic tiara. The crown on her head was silver and intricate, with sculpted leaves at the ends of the curled metals. Jewels shaped like fruits were hung delicately between the vine-like structural supports, and only visible to those who looked closely. To everyone else, like Ankh who was staring at his iPhone, they were glittering rainbow dots.

 

“Lighten up Ankh, he’ll be back soon. Eat up and have a look at your gift, why don’t you?” Chiyoko perched the plastic tiara a few centimeters above Ankh’s hairline and grinned at him. “You look gorgeous!”

 

Ankh gave her a Glare(tm) and picked up the human magazine. It was written in English, a popular human language people here occasionally spoke. So far, he only knew enough to read the title ( _Cosmopolitan_ ) and a few headlines. One of the headlines in particular caused his pulse to race and his Medals to surge with anger. ‘The Sex Secret For Easy Ohs!!!!!!!!!!!!’ the title beamed, smugly. As if it was about to fuck Eiji. He dropped it onto the floor like the trash it was, and stood up slowly.

 

 

“Where did you get that waste of paper?” he asked Chiyoko, disregarding the fact that she was helping a table.

 

“Ankh-chan, wait a minute please. I’m almost done.” She finished writing down the table’s orders and then turned to him. “Yes, dear?”

 

“Where did you say you got that?” Ankh pointed towards the floor by the bar.

 

“Ankh-chan, a nicely dressed young man came here this morning. He said he was a friend of yours and gave me that. Alright,” she clapped her hands. “Once I’m done with this food, you’re going to learn how to politely decline things and _clean up!_ ”

 

“I’ll pass,” Ankh said, already walking out of the store. He absorbed the rest of his ice cream into his arm as he jogged, wearing an expression of mild concern. Eiji was taking too long, human etiquette was pointless, and he was itching to fight whoever dropped off that magazine. It was likely Uva, Gamel, or Kazari, though he had no idea who. If Chiyoko believed that lie, then obviously Gamel should be ruled out. That left Uva and Kazari. Uva...wasn’t the brightest Core Medal in the Ridevendor Machine, however, he might be collaborating with someone. Mezool could also be the mastermind behind this…

 

As he ran, worry coursed through his Medals and veins like the week he spent in Hell (read: the ice-chilled pool Mezool kept him and Uva in for a week after they wouldn’t stop bickering over Medals) eight hundred years ago. Without him, Eiji could be _killed_ by the other Greeed. He kept running through the sprawling city, to where his Cores told him Eiji was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time we'll hear from Eiji. Update: I figured out how to put pictures on here!!! Just like before, the Cosmopolitan issue is real, so credit to them for that headline.


	2. Count the Medals One Two and GONE!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eiji's perspective, as promised in last chapter. Greeed flirting, Eiji being clueless, and Ankh being the petty shit we all know he is.

“We meet again, Ozu.” Kazari purred as he stepped in front of the colorfully-clad man. “Tell me, was it difficult to get here without signing autographs, or do these fools seriously not know you’re Ozu?”

 

One paw with razor sharp claws gestured to the other shoppers around them.

 

“Hey, Kazari, if we’re going to fight, can we do it somewhere else?” Eiji called. “Leave these people out of it.”

 

“Sure,” Kazari murmured, stepping terrifyingly close to Eiji. He tried to push Kazari away, but the yellow wind carried the two of them to the park, where he opened his eyes to find himself hugged against Kazari’s chest.

 

“Why are you doing that?!?” he asked, pushing himself out of the cat's arms. For some reason Kazari didn't protest when he escaped his hold. Why?

 

"You don't realize my true feelings?" Kazari tilted his head sadly and circled closer to Eiji. "My dear Ozu, take a look at yourself*."

 

Baffled beyond belief and just ready to bring all these groceries home, Eiji held up one hand to stare at it. "What next?"

 

Kazari rushed over in human form to clasp his hand gently and hold it up like it was a treasure.

 

"You have within you the most incredible power: the purple Core Medals. No other human on the planet can utilize Medals as well as you do."

 

"I think Date-san, Gotou-san, and Satonaka-san all do a good job," Eiji interrupted, pulling his hand away. "And doesn't Dr. Maki have this s _ame exact power?_ " Eiji turned to pick up his grocery bags, half-expecting to be destroyed by the golden cat in a fit of rage. He felt nothing. Not a scratch, not a bruise. What the hell was going on here?

 

"Hey, why aren't you attacking me?" He asked Kazari, who was still in shock over the whole getting-fuckin'-rekt thing.

 

 _Think,_ he told himself. _What do Greeed want? Medals. I have those, but not the yellow ones he's looking for. Ankh has those. Maybe he's waiting for Ankh to show up with them before killing me. If Kazari manages to capture Ankh after I'm out of the picture, he can be certain he's stealing_ his _Medals back._

 

"You _want_ me to kill you, Ozu? Fine." Kazari's voice hardened with frustration.

 

 _Was it something I said?_ Eiji wondered as he dodged the Tiger slashes that left scores along the grass nine centimeters deep.

 

"I'll smash you- in bed!" Kazari snickered as Eiji skidded to a stop to ask, "wHAT? You Greeed sleep in _beds_?"

 

"But of course, my dear Ozu. We have some tastes, after all….." Both of them looked over as the _vroom_ of a motorcycle engine approached. Ankh was driving across the park grass, and skidded to a stop near Eiji.

 

"Oi! Eiji!" Ankh shouted from his Ridevendor a few meters away. He was wearing bright red pants, a denim jacket, and a plastic tiara, and his red and green monster arm shone in the morning sun.

 

"Ankh! Kazari's being weird," Eiji shouted back. Ankh revved the motorcycle across the grass and skidded to a stop behind Eiji.

 

"Well look at that. Ozu's little princess of a sidekick." Kazari sniffed. "I'd prefer it if he'd leave us alone." He stared at Eiji, making Eiji feel as though he should say something.

 

"A-Ankh's not my sidekick. We're partners," he explained.

 

"Oi, Kazari, are you flirting with Eiji??" Ankh stalked over to put his arm around Eiji with the ferocity of a hawk.

 

"Me? Flirting with this delicate Ozu?" Kazari laughed. "But of course. This Ozu is the Best Ozu."

 

"So it was you who dropped off the magazine," Ankh growled.

 

"Now, now, Ankh. What's all this about a magazine?" Eiji asked, picking up the grocery bags and turning to look at the Birb.

 

"That fucking shit sent me a magazine-"

 

"Ankh…. language. Why exactly are you so mad about this magazine, anyway?" Kazari tilted his head, trying not to burst out laughing. The magazine had been Mezool's idea.**

 

"Because it was about how to fuck Eiji!" Red-faced, the bird Greeed shouted. A gust of wind flopped a curly lock of hair over his tiara.

 

"Ankh, I'm sure it was just a misunderstanding. Let's go home and talk it out over ice cream." Eiji pulled Ankh over to the Ridevendor and hung the groceries on the handlebars. Kazari snickered, then sent a gust of wind to snatch the groceries away.

 

"I'll take care of these for you, Ozu." Kazari winked at him, then he and the groceries vanished in a burst of bright wind.

 

"Fucker!" Ankh shouted, but it was too late.

 

"Ankh!" Eiji sat on the Ridevendor and tried to convince the Birb to go with him. The blond, curly-haired man kept walking. With a sigh, Eiji got off the Ridevendor and converted it back into a Vending machine, then ran after Ankh.

 

"Ankh, wait!" Eiji shouted, racing after him. Ankh slowed down, but didn't say anything. He led Eiji to a different part of town; for whatever reason he wanted them to go the long way back to the Cous Coussier.

 

After five blocks of walking, Ankh started muttering about Kazari. Eiji could only catch bits of his words- Ankh insisted on leading them both- but he tried to console Ankh anyway.

 

"....Shitty cat, who the fuck does he think he is… ….my second Os….. ...what their fucking problem is…."

 

"Hey, Ankh? What about Kazari pisses you off?" Eiji inquired cautiously.

 

"EVERYTHING." Ankh answered cryptically.

 

"Okay, I might not have understood most of what he said to me-"

 

"You didn't understand anything he said to you!" Ankh tossed his hair impatiently.

 

"Yeah, I did. He was trying to insult Date-san, Gotou-san, and Satonaka-san."

 

A crow cawed as Ankh spun around to Stare Judgingly at Eiji. A gust of wind tossed more curls over the tiara.

 

"....He was trying to flirt with you!" Ankh explained.

 

"Ehhh? Why would a Greeed flirt with me? Are they trying to steal your Medals?"

 

"No, they're trying to steal what's even more precious than Medals." Ankh snapped, glaring at Eiji.

 

"Wha- You know what, I'm not sure such a thing is even possible." Eiji smiled nervously at Ankh, who clicked his tongue and started walking away. _He's even oblivious when **I'm** flirting with him._

 

Ankh led him to a Yummy, which they tried to beat up, and then Ankh lost his temper and threw Eiji the rest of the TaJaDor combo: the Peacock and Condor Medals. Eiji traded shots with it (it was from Mezool, who had some of Uva's Cores, so an 8m long electric eel), then went for the Giga scan. He swiftly sliced open the form of Cell Medals with the condor talons, then landed gracefully next to Ankh.

 

Ankh was staring at him with an unguarded look of longing. The ruffled curls of his hair were draped cutely by his face, and his lips were pursed in wonder. His brown eyes were wide with wonder, for one split second. The symphonies playing in Eiji's head crashed to an abrupt and discordant halt as Ankh's expression grew sullen again.

 

"Ankh-" Eiji made the Os Belt level again to de-henshin.*** He handed the Birb his Medals in pained silence as Ankh snatched them away. "Oi, Ankh! Ankh, listen to me."

 

"What is it?" the Birb demanded. He stepped closer to Eiji to squish his cheeks. "Tell me!"

 

"Ankh, would it be better if I just walked home myself? You can call me by Hoppercan or something-"

 

"No,” Ankh glowered.

 

“If the other four Greeed try to gang up on me, I’ll use the purple combo. And it would stop stressing you out so much.”

 

“Tch. It’s not _you_ who’s stressing me out so much.”

 

“Then what is?” Eiji stared at Ankh with concern so Pure and Soft it put an Angora Rabbit to shame.

 

“M-medals. Stop asking questions, it’s annoying.” Ankh’s eyes narrowed in annoyance and he continued to lead Eiji back (eventually) to the Cous Coussier. Eventually, they reached a bridge, where Ankh slowed down and Eiji walked alongside him. Every so often Ankh glanced over the bridge and began to smirk.

 

“Hey, Ankh, what are you planning to do?”

 

“Who knows….. That bastard Kazari might get what’s coming to him.” Brown eyes regarded him suspiciously as Eiji considered Ankh’s statement.

 

“Ankh…. we _need_ the Ratoratah Combo.” Eiji stopped to stare suspiciously at Ankh.

 

“Tch.” The Birb declined to comment.

 

“Really. If you throw those away, you’ll be giving Kazari the rest of his Medals.” As Eiji watched, the Greeed froze, then turned around in unrestrained fury.

 

“Probably so but _I hate him and he’s an asshole!”_ Ankh shouted, clutching three Yellow Medals which gleamed in the sun.

 

“No! Ankh, listen to me-” Eiji wanted to arm wrestle the Medals away from the Birb, but before he could run over to Ankh, he had thrown them into the river.

 

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!” Eiji screamed in horror.

 

“Assholes get washed out to sea,” Ankh snarked. Eiji grabbed both of his shoulders.

 

“HOW COULD YOU DO THIS?” He asked the Greeed out of frustration.

 

“I am Desire.” Ankh supplied.

 

“I CAN **NOT** BELIEVE YOU WOULD BE **THAT** PETTY.”

 

“We’re better off without it.” The Birb tilted his chin haughtily, daring Eiji to argue.

 

“We just went from having five Combos- TaJaDor, SaGoZou, ShaUTa, RaToraTah, and PuToTyra- down to having just four. That is the opposite of an improvement.” Ankh stared at him in disgust.

 

“It’s an improvement.” Impassively, the Birb watched as Eiji pulled off his shirt and pants before climbing onto the edge of the bridge.

 

“No, it’s not. Excuse me, Ankh. I’m going to go collect the Medals.” Eiji glanced over his shoulder sadly before diving into the water.

 

* * *

Author's Notes: 

*Translation: Ankh wants something so I want it too.

**Mezool, in turn, got the magazine from a strange bespectacled man with light blue streaks in his hair.

*** What is the actual word for this does anyone know?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit: I fixed the spacing and spelling errors, and added a small part that was missing.
> 
> The good news is, I've also gotten a lot of the next chapter done! We'll see how that goes. Edit: Future chapters will have REALLY cute fluff.


	3. Going for the Gold (Yellow) Medal(s)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both birb and human fall over the side of a bridge, though only one was intentional. A different human gets injured, water is cold, and some human-birb snuggles.

As the sun shone down on the tiara and tight-pants-clad Greeed, his underwear-wearing partner Eiji dove off the bridge in complete exasperation at his pettiness. The three Yellow Core Medals had been thrown into different parts of the river, so he aimed to search for the closest one first.

Ankh watched him land in the river with a glare that could melt ice. If word of this situation got out to the other Greeed, the kinkshaming would be unstoppable.

Mezool would saunter over to him, flanked by Kazari, Uva, and Gamel. “What’s the matter, Ankh? Has your desire for a human gotten your Medals into a twist?”

“Twist your Medals!” Gamel would echo, tossing a Cell Medal into the coin slot in his own head. The Yummy would swat at him until he bled Medals. Then the Yummy would pick up the Medals and twist them into unusable wastes. Mezool would silence Gamel’s cheering with one glare, then Ankh’s intervention  torture would continue.

“Or maybe,” Kazari would snicker, “Ankh’s Medals are in a twist because  **_I’m_ ** the reason Eiji’s wet right now.” He would fold his arms over his chest and stare over the bridge at the unprotected Eiji.

“Yeah, humanfucker.” Uva would totally bring back that dreaded nickname  _ purely _ out of spite.

“You should make a Yummy, humanfucker.” Ankh could almost see the devious glint in Kazari’s eyes, even in his daydream. “That way  **_one_ ** of your desires will actually get fulfilled.”

“Tch.” Ankh crushed the plastic tiara in his monster hand, dropping the scraps on the bridge. Once Eiji resurfaced, his bare chest heaving as he gasped for breath, Ankh shouted to him.

“Oi, Eiji! We’re going home!” Eiji blinked at him from the shady part of the river as his legs churned at the water, keeping him afloat.

“You can go, Ankh. I’ll go home once I’ve found all these Medals here,” Eiji shouted back. He didn’t want to be rude to anyone. This thought led him to realize something else. “Oh, and can you text Chiyoko-san to apologize that we’re late?”

The curly-haired man clicked his tongue in annoyance(*4), then sat on the bridge holding Eiji’s shirt and pants. He watched people, cars, buses rushing around the city, and snuck a glance at Eiji the next time he resurfaced.

He was gasping, his hair drenched and clinging to his forehead and neck. Droplets ran down his strong back and muscled chest, and as Eiji dived, his hips were briefly visible too. Lean legs that had spent the morning in the extremely flattering TaJaDor suit propelled him to the bottom of the river to search for the Medals.

Eiji returned unexpectedly, gasping for breath. “Ankh! Look, I found one!” He held the Cheetah Medal above his head. Ankh glanced up from his phone as he placed his bent right leg on the bridge beside him and kept his left leg dangling over the edge.

“You found something completely unnecessary. Let’s go home now.” He stretched the leg out further, displaying the true nature of the Peacock Medals: being sexy at every possible moment.

He scowled again as Eiji continued to look for the next Medal(*5).

The time on his phone showed that fifteen minutes had already gone by. He was about to shout that Eiji had five more minutes when some  _ random passerby _ put their hand on his back and pushed.

The wings appeared, and dealt the rude human a fiery blow, while catching him less than a foot below where he was sitting. Eiji’s shirt was within arms-length, but his pants were still falling.

_ Not that  _ **_*I*_ ** _ care, but.... _ Ankh thought, folding his wings along his human back to dive. Wind rushed past his ears, tugging at his curly hair and making the other side of his head cold. He snatched the pants out of the air, then swooped over to the bridge to confront the human who had pissed him off.

The teen had black-and-auburn shoulder-length hair and wore an old school uniform. Her eyes were almost black, and trying to hold back tears. She had been shoved onto the concrete by Ankh’s wing. Her right hand clutched her left desperately, but the red mark under her hand extended past that area. She stared up at Ankh fearfully, then tossed her hair defiantly and glared up at him. She slowly stood up and did her best to avoid irritating the burned area.

“What was that for, human?” Ankh narrowed his eyes coldly. She straightened up to reach her full height, and shouted at him.

“Stop littering!”

\-----

Eiji had resurfaced after feeling something that  _ might _ be a Medal, but had seen Ankh catch his shirt in midair and then zoom back up to land on the bridge. What. Thefuck was going on.

“Ankh!” He was so out of breath he couldn’t even shout. He tried again. “Ankh!  _ Ankh! _ ”

The curly head whipped around at breakneck speed. “ **What.** ”

“I’ve almost gotten the second Medal! I’m really close, I can feel it!”

“Hurry the fuck up or I’ll toss you ShaUTa just to get it over with.”

“I wouldn’t trust you with any of our combos right now. Besides, I’m going to find these Medals without using any other Medals to do so.”

“Idiot! You have the Purple Medals… By the way, I’m going to make a Yummy- Wait, where’d she go?” He turned his head back to the bridge and let out a curse. Damn Eiji, damn him for being so distracting.

“I’m not going to let these Medals define me! -Wait, a Yummy? Ankh! What have you been doing?” Eiji shouted, beginning to shiver. “Who were you just talking to?”

“Who knows? Hurry up, I want to go home.” He turned away, refusing to look at Eiji, and heard the telltale splash that meant Eiji had returned to looking for Kazari’s Medals.

_ Fuck. _

Why was Eiji so damn distracting? In the past, he had been attracted to other Greeed(*6), but then he’d found his first OOO. That man was so full of desires, he was nearly indistinguishable from the other Greeed. Now, he felt drawn to Eiji, even with Eiji’s lack of desires and all-too-human heart. It was puzzling, yet an annoying battle he’d been having with himself for months now.

Eiji broke the surface of the water with a triumphant gasp and held the two Medals over his head. Cheetah and Lion gleamed like shiny gold coins in the sun, and Ankh leaned against one of the bridge’s metal beam supports.

“Eiji, I suppose you’re good at this. Now go find the rest of my Medals. Otherwise, they’ll be lost forever.”

“A-actually, Ankh…” A shiver ran through Eiji’s entire body, and he waited for it to subside. “ _ You _ lost your Medals. You threw them into the r-river.”

“You know what, Eiji?  **_FUCK YOU_ ** .” Ankh bellowed, despite knowing it was true.

“I-is that a proposal?” Eiji asked, his pale face blushing faintly.

“Who knows. If you find the third one it might be.” Ankh leaned his legs up against the bridge’s support beam and smirked down at Eiji, who shook his head sadly and dove again. He pondered why a human would get so pale and shiver after spending thirty minutes in a river diving for Medals. The only thing he could think of was Mezool, but he couldn’t sense her nearby.

_ Maybe it’s a Yummy again. But I haven’t sensed any of  _ those _ , either. _ He scowled at the text he had just received(*7), typed out a furious reply, and then returned his phone to where it belonged-- in his Arm, surrounded by Cell Medals. It was much more convenient than the newfangled “pockets” which were occasionally added to human clothing. Chiyoko-san and Hina-chan often complained about the lack of pockets in their clothing, and Hina  _ always _ made sure there were at least 6 large pockets in all her fashion designs.

Besides, red pants this tight absolutely could not fit a phone in their pockets without losing all  flattering aesthetic value. So, the coin Birb had to deal with a cell phone inside him, too.

“And, that’s- that’s three out of three,” Eiji gasped from below, holding all three yellow Medals in his hands before striking out towards the shore. His teeth were chattering, and he was shivering.

Ankh watched Eiji stagger out of the water and shiver at the wind as it stole his remaining body heat. Eiji struggled along the riverbank, collecting driftwood and dripping water all over it. He painstakingly scraped away a sandy patch, outlined it with a circle of rocks, then began to stack his meager pile of wood.

Curious, Ankh walked back over the bridge the same way he had led Eiji earlier. He leaped the railing with one flap of his wings and landed opposite from Eiji, a few meters away. Eiji glanced up, pulled the three yellow Medals closer to him with one shaking hand, and continued grimly arranging the firewood.

“Eiji. What’s wrong?” He didn’t look up at Ankh’s question, but clutched the Medals to his chest as Ankh stepped closer.

“You can’t have these!” Eiji insisted, standing up to stare down the rainbow-winged Birb.

“Why not!” Ankh was furious. “Just answer my question, Eiji.”

“I d- _ did! _ What more do you want?” Eiji’s eyes were hurt, mistrustful, cornered. Ankh narrowed his eyes.

“Why are you shaking?”

“Eh?” Thrown off-guard, Eiji could only gape at the Greeed. His brown eyes watched Eiji curiously, and his mouth was pressed into a worried frown.

“Why are you shaking like that?”

“Because you t-tHREW OUR MEDALS IN THE FUCKING RIVER!!!!” As he shouted, Eiji’s teeth chattered, ruining the intimidating effect.

Ankh stepped closer with an Annoyed Glare to squish Eiji’s cheeks with the Monster Arm. He tilted his head when he made contact, studying Eiji thoughtfully.

“You’re much colder than you usually are.”

“G-great, thanks for p-pointing that out,” Eiji stuttered, shivering involuntarily. Ankh waved a wing at the fire pit and immediately the driftwood went up in a merry blaze.

“Eiji,” Ankh murmured. “Do humans need specific temperatures?”

Eiji struggled to process what that meant, then went with his gut instinct. “Mmm, yeah.” He rested his cheek against Ankh’s palm in contentment. It was warm. SO warm.

“Eiji, come here.” Ankh pulled him in for a hug. His skin was so hot, Eiji was sure he would get burned by it. Two soft and warm things-- two red blankets, maybe?--were wrapped around his back, over his ass, and down his legs. Ankh was so warm, he didn’t care that he’d probably get burned by the heat. He was glad Ankh was here, and that he was a hot- he giggled softly at that pun- bird with the power of fire. He attempted to hug Ankh as best as he could before promptly passing out.

 

Eventually adding like 20 asterisks for a footnote didn't seem like it'd help the plot so I'm changing it to this.

*4. He had secretly already texted Chiyoko-san, who wished him “good luck seducing the birdfucker.” Ankh had replied that he’d never walked in on Eiji fucking any birds, and that he’d rather Eiji fuck  _ him _ . The other text he’d received was from Hina, and it read: “If you use Oniichan’s body to fuck Eiji I will steal the belt  _ and _ some medals and punch you until you disappear.”

He was currently typing the reply, “U cant use the belt bc Eijis the only 1 who can use it >:V”

Yes, Ankh uses Evil Birb emojis.

*5. Eiji was diving with the Medal in one hand, which made it a bit more difficult. He was wearing underpants without pockets, the Purple Medals aren’t very friendly to other Medals, and he was oxygen-deprived so he did not think to shove it up his own ass. -_- I know this fandom… and its desires… pretty damn well.

*6. I like to think that Ankh found his sexuality gradually. The Greeed must have had histories with each other before they were sealed away. This will probably be described in more detail later.

*7. In response to the last text in the first author’s note, Hina had responded, “Then I’ll just punch you until you run out of Medals.” Ankh’s reply was that Eiji would just keep getting him more, which was a _slight_ exaggeration (but Hina didn’t need to know that).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to Mage for being incredibly supportive. Also thanks to whoever read my other fic. It's my first time writing hardcore smut.
> 
> The smut in this fic will happen eventually, don't worry. I'll live up to my username and include TaJaDor and porn in every one of my fics. I just... haven't thought about how or where it would happen in this one yet. But it WILL happen!


	4. The Lengemd. The Experience.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning for some injuries, like burns and being tripped. I give part of the spotlight to the Important Platonic Relationship. Date is a dork, and I personally apologize to Eiji in advance for what happens to him in this chapter.

“Well, Eiji-kun’s not back yet, but the groceries are here,” Hina-chan announced, carrying all of them inside at once like they weighed nothing. She sighed. “I wonder if he’s alright…”

 

“Don’t worry, Ankh-chan went to go get him. They should be fine.” Chiyoko-san glanced up as Hina brought the groceries to the kitchen.

 

“I’m sorry, I get too worried about Eiji-kun and Ankh-kun sometimes.” Hina apologized, unloading the groceries into the areas of the kitchen where Chiyoko-san kept everything.

 

"Don't worry about it. Oh, Hina-chan, do you have any plans after the store closes?" Chiyoko asked on her way to check on another table.

 

“No,” Hina answered, thinking sadly of the ice cream place she wanted to visit with Ankh and Eiji.

 

Chiyoko returned with the new table's orders, smiling warmly. "Well, after we close up I have a bit of a surprise for you."

 

 

Gotou was on his daily run with Date, when a blurry figure appeared right in front of him to knock him tf over. He regained his senses, swearing at the sharp pain in his head. Date-san was crouched over another person, a school girl in uniform, with auburn streaks in her black hair and a long, red burn mark on the back of her hand.

 

"Are you alright?"

 

She shook her head.

 

“Don’t worry, I’m a doctor!” Date-san announced warmly. “Let’s see what you’ve got there.” She passed him her hand and bit her lip.

 

“What’s your name?” Gotou asked, rubbing his head.

 

“My name is Tatsumi Sakutai. I'm sorry for running into you!"

 

"I am Date Akira, and this is Gotou-chan. It's a pleasure to meet you," Date replied. "Let's go treat that burn, I'm sure Chiyoko-san has a first aid kit."

 

"...Date-san, you've used it several times." Gotou deadpanned. "First the time Hino-san got injured, then the other time Hino-san got hurt, and then the time Hino-san and the punch-drunk wouldn't listen to your orders…"

 

"We get it, Gotou-chan." Date held up a hand to gently stop the information overload. "Can you text Chiyoko-san and see if the Cous Coussier's still open?"

 

Gotou nodded and Date turned to the teen. "Sorry about that. Gotou-chan's a little enthusiastic, but he means well. Tatsumi-san, did you get this burn?"

 

Tatsumi opened her mouth to answer, then closed it slowly. "I… I was walking along the bridge, about to return to school after lunch, when I saw a man crunch a tiara into pieces and leave them there. He sat on the side of the bridge, so I thought I could push him off for littering. I didn't know-"

 

She sucked in a quick breath as Date touched the edge of the burn.

 

"You know what, this is beyond the scope of a first aid kit. Gotou-chan, tell Chiyoko-san we're grateful for her offer to help. Get us a Ridevendor to the nearest hospital."

 

Gotou nodded and ran off, Cell Medal in hand.

 

"-I didn't know the man had wings made of  _ fire _ ," Tatsumi finished. Date nodded, his eyes cold and calculating. "Date-san?"

 

"Sorry, I think I know who that is," Date explained, stepping away from her to ease her fear. He sent a quick text, then the dull rasp of the Ridevendor's motor signaled Gotou's return.

 

"Can you sit on there, Tatsumi-san?" Date asked. She nodded, then Date ran off to get another Ridevendor. They both revved their engines, and headed to the nearest hospital.

 

 

After the Cous Coussier closed, Chiyoko stood firmly in front of Hina.

 

"Hina-chan, I know we're used to working together, but I care about you like you were my own daughter. Life seems to be getting you down lately, so do you want to watch a movie together?"

 

"Sure, Chiyoko-san. I'd love to!" Hina smiled. Her plans were usually to go back to her apartment and chat with another cryptid enthusiast, GothGurl2. Her online friend was great to talk to about life, but they asked  _ WAY _ too many questions about OOO's secret identity for her liking.

 

They left the bedroom window open for Ankh  (just in case) and watched the movie, happy to enjoy each other's company. Hina made quiet comments about the plot and characters under her breath and Chiyoko laughed at them until she couldn't breathe.

 

Afterward they took a taxi to an astronomy event, where they took turns looking in a telescope as a man in a bucket hat and trenchcoat described the constellations for them.

 

Then Chiyoko-san stopped by the old theater company where she used to work in college. "Hello, Hirohiko-san!" She called to the tired intern at the desk, who waved her in without question.

 

"Whoa, this theater is huge!" Hina stared up at it. "I can't imagine what it's like being up there onstage…"

 

"Oh, it's lovely," Chiyoko said with a smile. "All those people staring at you, counting on you to do your part for the musical… it's wonderful." Her eyes twinkled as she relived the memories, and Hina smiled.

 

"Come here, Hina-chan. I have a surprise for you, and I want to hear what you think." She pulled her over to the dressing room and Hina ran her fingertips over the variety of costumes in awe.

 

 

Ankh stared down at Eiji, pursing his lips thoughtfully. He was holding Eiji to his chest despite getting water on his shirt.

 

Even asleep, Eiji had rested his head on Ankh's shoulder and snuggled closer to him. Ankh didn't know how to react, but he kept his body temperature  _ just hot enough _ and his wings' temperature  _ just cold enough _ to warm his OOO up. He kept alert for other Greeed, Yummies, or approaching humans, but glanced down again when Eiji muttered incoherently in his sleep.

 

Ankh let out a gentle sigh as his wing relaxed to drape itself across Eiji's shoulders. The campfire crackled merrily in the background, and Ankh ran his fingers through Eiji's hair soothingly.

 

After glancing around for any onlookers, he leaned his head against Eiji's and started to stroke his hair with one hand. Droplets of water ran down his skin but he moved his arm away from Eiji and they evaporated with a fizzle.

 

Minutes stretched into the longer part of an hour, and Ankh was worried for Eiji’s health. He’d kept him warm, why wasn’t his human waking up?

 

Eiji groaned, then rolled off Ankh’s shoulder. He landed painfully on one wing, and Ankh couldn’t stop a sharp hiss. Blearily, Eiji looked up to see he was pinching a red, blue, purple, and green wing between the rocky shore and himself.

 

“Sorry, Ankh,” he muttered, staggering closer to the fire. “I was just trying to…” He frowned. What  _ had _ he been trying to do? Oh, right, save the RaToraTah Combo. Where was it again? He stared at his empty hands.

 

“I have the Medals.” Sensing his confusion, Ankh decided to clear it up. Eiji glanced up sharply.

 

“Ankh…” he staggered to his feet and tried to pounce on Ankh, but the birb rolled out of the way. “Did you get rid of them already?”

 

“Yeah, now get back to sleep. You’re cold.” Granted, there were a  _ lot _ of other ways to phrase this, such as  _ not sarcastically _ , but he was too worried about Eiji's warmth to think about them right now.

 

Since Eiji was stoically staggering into the river, he probably should have.

 

“Oi,  _ Eiji! _ ” Ankh shouted. “Come back here!” Eiji ignored him. A sudden chilling wind blew across the city.

 

“Eiji!” Ankh was desperate. He called up his red flames and stepped into the river too. Steam fizzled from the tiny gaps between his skin and the water. He waded deeper, and the hissing sounded like a hundred sleepy snakes who just want to be left alone. Okay, maybe five hundred sleepy snakes. The hissing was quite loud.

 

"EIJI! GET BACK HERE-" Ankh tried to holler over the sound of a giant pot of water boiling, but it was too loud. Through the steam he generated, Ankh saw Eiji stagger further into the river.

 

"No Ankh! I will  _ NOT- _ " he started coughing mid-sentence and fell face-first into the water.

 

**_"EIJI!!!!!"_ ** Ankh screeched, every feather on his body prickling with alarm. He leapt into the air desperately, his wings propelling him towards the last spot he'd seen Eiji.

 

He could see every tiny bubble rise to the surface with astonishing clarity. He reached for Eiji as he flew, and once he reached the spot Eiji had gone under, he pulled Eiji roughly out of the water. He clutched Eiji to his chest, and swooped towards the riverbank. Then he realized Eiji's entire body was  _ shivering _ .

 

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck." Ankh chanted, touching down onshore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: So, how about that cliffhanger, huh? Will Eiji survive the scene? What is Chiyoko's surprise? And will Date beat up Ankh?  
> The answers to these questions and more will be revealed….. next chapter ;)
> 
> On a brighter note, a big shout out to everyone who supported this fic, including rpgfan (Gokai Silver), magemew, and themusicalpaws. Thanks for encouraging me to try my pen- er, keyboard- at an AnkhEiji fic. You all rock better than Gotou!


	5. Life Goes On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The thrilling conclusion to Eiji's fate, Hina and Chiyoko's nighttime meeting, Gotou's petty revenge... this chapter has it all. It also sets the scene for later plot, since my writer's block has been cured by revisiting this story's original plotline.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year! I have many reasons for posting this so late, and someday I hope to share with you those reasons (yes, even MORE fic goodness from Yours Truly). However, enjoy this while you wait. You truly are the greatest fans, and I wish you the best in 2017!

Ankh hated doing this, but since Eiji got so much water on him, he had to summon the red blanket. He cocooned Eiji in it, hugging him to his chest. In his mind, Kazari was snickering.

_You'd better find another human soon, Ankh. That one's done for._

With a "tch," Ankh pulled Eiji closer to him. He covered him with his wings again, and felt his heart beating. Eiji was completely unconscious, shivering weakly every so often. In his sleep, he clutched at the blanket or Ankh and managed to smile before shivering again.

 _Eiji's not going to die,_ he insisted angrily to Kazari and himself. _I won't let him._

He sat with his wings in the fire and waited.

 

 

Tatsumi was admitted to the hospital and the doctors said she had second-degree burns. It would take a few weeks to recover but in the meantime, her new friends remained at the hospital to tell her stories of their adventures.

When evening arrived, Gotou returned to the Cous Coussier to ask Hina and Chiyoko where Ankh had gone, but the place was empty, closed and locked. A single light shone in through Ankh and Eiji's window, and Gotou stood up in determination. He leaped onto a tree branch, and from there, onto the roof. The window was open, and he jumped into Ankh and Eiji's room. From there, he went downstairs and turned the lights on. A note was left on the counter.

 _Eiji-kun,_  
_We'll be out late tonight. There's ice cream in the freezer. Help yourselves ;)_  
_Love, Mom and Hina_

"Don't mind if I do," Gotou murmured, digging in his pocket and wandering over to the fridge. The clink of money on the counter echoed behind him as he pulled out one of Ankh's prized ice creams.

 _Time to pay you back for that burn..._  

 

 

"Ankh…" Eiji breathed, his eyelids flickering. Ankh's pulse quickened as he felt Eiji trying to move his head.

"Eiji! Can you hear me?" Ankh lifted Eiji's head with the crook of his elbow. Eiji's eyelids struggled open and he blinked blearily up at Ankh.

"A...Ankh," he sighed, his muscles going lax as he slipped back to sleep. Ankh tucked his chin protectively over Eiji's forehead as the fire burned down to embers and the sun edged closer to the horizon. His Cores thrummed with a new nervousness, but his human body wanted to rest.

He let his eyes close, keeping his Cores on alert for the approach of other Medals.

 

 

"Hina-chan, this is renowned designer Kitamura Rin." Chiyoko told her. "He designed the costumes for every one of my performances."

The short, greying man with his mostly-black hair gelled back, who wore a black suit, shook Hina's hand. "It is a pleasure to meet you, Miss..?"

"My name is Izumi Hina," she said, inadvertently crushing his hand in her enthusiasm.

"Ow!" Kitamura glanced up, tilting his head. "You have a strong grip."

"Sorry, sorry-" Immediately, Hina let go of his hand. "I forgot about my strength-"

Kitamura laughed. "You should be proud of it. Most of the hopeful designers I turn down don't even come close to your strength."

"T-turn down? Does that mean..?" Hina asked, worried.

"Don't worry, Kitamura-san trusts my judgement," Chiyoko assured her. She glanced up, smiling with relief, and nodded.

"Izumi-san, I'm looking for an assistant. I saw your work in that contest, and you show a lot of promise."

Hina could barely believe her ears. One of her inspirations in the fashion industry had just invited her to work for him. "How far is it? Would I have to move?"

Chiyoko smiled proudly, turning to Kitamura to explain. He cleared his throat.

"You could start off working part-time... I don't want to steal from my best model, after all," he beamed at Chiyoko. "Then, if you're a good fit, you could work with us full-time."

“How about it, Hina-chan? Would you like a start in the fashion industry?” Chiyoko grinned. This meeting will cost her a photoshoot, though Hina didn’t need to know that.

Hina blinked a few times, taking it all in. Then, a delighted grin lights up her face and she reaches over to gently grab Kitamura’s hand. She shakes hands with him.

“I would be delighted to. Thank you, Kitamura-san. Thank you, Chiyoko-san!”

“Yay!” Chiyoko says, clapping her hands together. She links arms with both of them. “Let’s go get drinks to celebrate!”

 

 

Ankh wasn't exactly sure when he'd dozed off, but he snapped his head up at the sound of paws on gravel.

"Kazari!" Ankh growled, spreading his wings and pulling Eiji closer to him. While he was asleep, the hobo's head had fallen onto Ankh's elbow and he'd drooled on the bird's arm. Now, he was conscious enough to hug Ankh tighter to him. Ankh allowed this because it would help if they needed to make a quick getaway.

"It's been a while, don't you think, Ankh?" Kazari giggled in a light voice that _oozed_ menace. "I'm disappointed to see you're still with that-" he stepped on a log, snapping it in half. "... _Human_."

"Stay out of this, Kazari." Ankh warned, readying his fiery feather-bullets. "It was over 800 years ago and it's still over today."

"Oh no, I don't want _you_. I want my Core Medals back." Kazari folded his paws in front of his chest.

"Well, fuck off because you're not having them," Ankh snarled, throwing his bullets. They all aimed for Kazari at first, but a yellow tornado moved their paths to end up scattered at the cat's feet.

"Well, well, take a look at _this_ ," Kazari feigned surprise as he noticed Eiji in Ankh's arms. "I think our dearest little Ozu would make a nice Yummy, don't you think?" A Cell Medal appeared in Kazari's paw.

"Don't you dare," Ankh snarled, backing towards the river and raising a hand over Eiji's head. "I will destroy you if you do."

"You couldn't possibly, not with our dearest Ozu in such critical condition here. If Mezool were to get her flippers on him there's no telling what'll happen to him." From the way his wings were raised, Kazari knew he was going to fly away. He sent a whirlwind towards them, and Ankh ran down the bank, then took off. He sent another storm of wind towards Ozu and Ankh, but they were out of his reach. His Cell Medals shifted to become a human again, and he returned to the crowds of humans.

With Ankh's dearest Ozu out of the picture, there would be little interference with his Yummies.

 

 

Gotou left one ice cream, clearly marked with "FOR EIJI." He was certain some of it would probably go to Ankh anyway, but it's better than letting him off scot-free.

He put the rest of the ice cream in a cooler, borrowed a few cute ice packs, and left through the window the way he came. He didn't notice the Greeed waiting in the alley outside because Date and the gorilla were back in the hospital...

 

 

Ankh touched down on the roof of the Cous Coussier, panting. His human body wanted food. Eiji, still bundled in the warm red blanket, could only nuzzle Ankh.

"I thought you'd sell me out to Kazari again," he croaked. Ankh stilled, shuffling his feathers as he sat on the roof. He glanced down at Eiji as if noticing his existence for the first time.

"It'll be inconvenient for me if you die." He said, glancing away at the sky. Eiji struggled to stand up, and the blanket fell off of one shoulder. He shivered in the cold, looking Ankh in the face.

"I thought I meant more to you than just a tool to use Medals, Ankh. I wish we could…" he faltered, shivering a lot, and ducked inside the window to their room.

"Eiji-"

"It's nothing," Eiji called as he staggered over to the closet full of extra clothes Chiyoko kept in the other attic room, and pulled out all the warm things he could find.

Ankh sat on the windowsill and watched, certain he was missing something.

 

 

Gotou returned to the hospital to surprise Tatsumi and Date with the ice cream. He ended up giving some to a tired intern out of sheer concern for the bags under his eyes, and sometime later a man quoting his grandmother stole one for his little sister and himself.

By the time he arrived, Tatsumi was reading and her parents were there. Gotou offered them ice cream, but they declined. Tatsumi thanked Gotou and took one. Date took one without even asking. He didn't need to ask. They understood each other in a single glance.

 

 

Ankh wasn't there when Eiji woke up.

He was snuggled into his bed, under blankets, wearing as many sweaters as he could find earlier while half-delirious.

He yawned and went downstairs. The Cous Coussier was empty, and the evening shadows lengthened. He left through the front door, leaving it ajar. He'd only be gone for a little while to look for Ankh.

 

 

Ankh was outside the Cous Coussier, perched in a nearby tree. He had tucked Eiji in and finished off the old box of ice cream to open a new one. Now, he was trying to figure out what the hell was going on.

His protectiveness for Eiji. How he'd gotten angry about that magazine. How he'd gotten furious at Kazari, who dared to lay a hand/paw on Eiji. How he'd carried him home, and now was watching him diligently.

He scanned the horizon. The bang of a garbage truck blocked out the sound of the Cous Coussier door opening. He would have seen Eiji if not for the Yummy walking down the street in broad daylight.

There was no need to get Eiji involved. He left his perch to go after it himself.

It would take his mind off the question Eiji left unasked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since this isn't really crucial to reading this story, I'll put this here: there are two Den-o references and one Fourze reference within this fic. Whoever correctly identifies them all gets... a prize of some sort.
> 
> Edit: There are also an Ex-Aid reference and a Kabuto reference in here.


	6. The Shining Light of Confusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What has happened to Eiji? How are Chiyoko and Hina and Ankh? What do Date and Gotou aim to do? These questions and more *MAY* be answered in this chapter.
> 
> Warning for injury to trash collectors, and a drunk adult laughing over Really Stupid Things before passing out. Please do not duct-tape actual birds as it could hurt their feathers, beaks, or claws.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I put the apostrophe in Comin Up No's so no one would accidentally write Comin Up Nostrils. Where are those nostrils Going. Fly Away, Nostrils~
> 
> If you're an asshole who's shit-talked me on twitter, I hope a mouse eats all the cheese in your house except for the moldy pieces.
> 
> This is actually my least favorite chapter so far. I liked doing the time skips at first but ending them into a unified combined timeframe is hell. But the important part is Never to Give Up.

Chiyoko staggered into Hina as they both tried to open the Cous Coussier doors at the same time. They stepped back, Chiyoko giggling madly as Hina ripped the handle off the door.

"I'm sorry, Chiyoko-san…" she murmured. "It's too _weak_."

"Don't… worry 'bout it," Chiyoko waved off the apology. "Pleassse… help me get insside."

"Sure," Hina helped her get her arm around her shoulders. "I'll get you to one of the chairs." She part-dragged, part-carried her into the restaurant. Then she helped her sit down and went into the kitchen to get her some water. "For… Eiji-kun?" Hina asked while getting ice cubes from the freezer.

The money jingled as it spilled onto the floor.

"Who would've visited here?" Hina pondered. Chiyoko took on an impressive baritone.

"WHO KNOWS," she boomed from where she was sitting, bursting into giggles a moment later. "That.., wazza best Ankh-chan…………"

"Impression?" Hina asked, filling a glass with water. She brought it over to Chiyoko, and helped her sip it.

"Thankssss, dear. You…. really are the…. besssst," she mumbled before passing out. Hina took out the sleeping bags and situated them both on the floor. She checked her phone, sending a worried text.

_Eiji-kun, where are you?_

  
  


Eiji knew it was getting late, but he would make this quick. He just had to find Ankh. He'd go home once he'd found him, but for now, he wandered the city in a lot of sweaters. The cold river had sapped him of some strength, so he should probably not stay out for too long. Still… there were Ankh's favorite buildings to check before he returned home.

He shivered, pulling his arms around him. He yearned, no _longed_ to be curled up in Ankh's arms again, surrounded by warmth and comfort, but Ankh had decided to go somewhere else for now.

He just hoped Ankh was okay, wherever he was.

He continued down one street, then towards another… this would be a lot easier on Ridevendor, but he didn't have Cell Medals and didn't want to deal with the wind. He glanced up, craning his neck to check the tops of skyscrapers. Businesspeople or children on their way home rushed past him. The sun was setting, and shadows were lengthening. He looked around at all the streets he had left to check. His stomach lurched, like he was flying in TaJaDor.

He felt the thud rather than heard it, muffled by blankets and other pedestrians' concerns.

  
  


Ankh followed the grey mummy-wrapped desire to the bang of a garbage truck, where it was stealing the trash and beating up the garbage collectors. One was already unconscious, but the other was scrambling to escape it. If he'd been with Eiji, he'd have thrown him TaToBa already.

He strode over to it, pushing aside the sanitation workers and grabbing the Yummy by the throat. "Who made you, hmm? Which of my… _competitors_ was it?"

The Yummy pushed him away and continued in its quest to collect the trash. He tried to interfere, but got thrown into the garbage truck too. The Yummy picked it up and began spinning while holding it, keeping Ankh prisoner inside his trash truck prison.

The Yummy slammed the garbage truck into an abandoned building, leaving it stuck halfway through a broken brick wall. Ankh was thrown against the side, wrenching his host's shoulder. He scrambled, half-slid over plastic bags to see the lid slammed on the garbage section of the truck. Fuck this.

He heated up his arm and plunged it through the metal at the back of the truck. With effort ~~that was the shoulder he'd wrenched~~ , he made a horizontal line at about chest height.

He pushed _down_ , and swore to Desire itself he did _not_ have enough Cell or Core Medals for this. He just couldn't heal fast enough. Still, Eiji's voice ran through his head- _"Get out of there, Ankh! The garbage collectors might be hurt!"_

"Tch. If you care, why don't _you_ do it?" he grumbled aloud, peeling back the metal with his uninjured arm.

 _Eiji…… where_ **_are_ ** _you?_

He stole a phone and dialed the human emergency services anyway. "Fuck this I'm reporting a vehicle emergency. Tch… ( _how would Eiji describe this?)..._ An unavoidable road obstruction. Near the abandoned building on the corner of…" he craned his neck to look "Mackerel Street. The driver was **not** at fault, probably got knocked out in the impact….. How the fuck should I know??? Ask the human yourself when you get there! _If_ they're still alive. ………...NO I DID NOT!!!!! .. _FUCKITY_ **_BYE!"_ **

He slammed the End Call button and clacked his beak in annoyance. Humans had such ridiculous procedures. Who the fuck CARED if things didn't always go according to plan? They had enough plans, he thought. They should stop interfering with his own. He dropped the phone back into the human's hand and skedaddled stage Right.

Speaking of his plans, he had to find Eiji. And fast. He looked around, wondering where the ASS a hypothermalated hobo would wander off to. Since he couldn't sense any other Yummies or the rest of the Greeed, he started googling stores that sold underwear in the area.

  
  


The room was dark, a filmy grey in the predawn.

The bang was what startled her.

It was a strike to the door, followed by a muffled curse. She sat up, remembering Chiyoko asleep beside her.

She couldn't let Chiyoko be awoken by birds, no matter how injured they were.

She tiptoed to the door, opening it and catching Ankh as he stumbled over the broken-off doorhandle. She picked him up as one would a misbehaving cat, and tucked him under one arm as she rebolted the door, carried him upstairs, and got out the first aid kit.

"Ow ow ow put me down!" Ankh shouted. Hina put duct tape over his mouth and continued to treat him. Being upstairs was enough separation between them and Chiyoko that the light wouldn't wake the sleeping business owner.

"There." She put a final pat on his pulled arm, then wrenched off the duct tape. "Be _careful_ with Shingo's body."

"You didn't have to-"

"Yeah I did. So, spill. Why did you come back so late?"

Ankh glanced away. "That is none of your concern."

"Yes. It. Is!!!" Hina shook his shoulder. "Tell me! What got you injured?"

"I was looking at a Yummy and lost Eiji somehow."

"Y. You _lost_ Eiji-kun???" Hina gasped.

"Yes. I'm going to sleep now." He jumped forlornly upto his red blanket nest on a futon on a chest. He curled up with his back facing the room, the open window, and the air.

"Ok but you owe us an explanation later," Hina tugged on his ear and he hissed as she left the room.

  
  


Date stormed into the Cous Coussier, Gotou trailing behind him. "Where is Anko-chan?? I need to kick his ass."

Hina paused, looking up from the space box and the cowboy boxes she was carrying. "He's out looking for Eiji-kun."

"And where is Hino-san??" Gotou asked, picking up some decorations and joining in setting them up. Chiyoko smiled, glad he remembered he was supposed to help out at the Cous Coussier today. "Last we heard, he had the chills and a fever."

"Why the fuck would Eiji-kun have a fever???" Date frowned, puzzled.

"Because he jumped in the river," Hina told him primly.

"W-"

Before Gotou could continue his interrogatory remark, Hina laid down the truth. "Because ANKH tossed some Core Medals into the river." Gotou leaned back, narrowly avoiding dropping the staple gun on his hand.

"He WHAT????"

Date made an incomprehensible noise that sounded something like: "Wspegojspobejs."

"Why." Gotou said, looking dead inside. He climbed back down the stepstool to retrieve the staple gun.

"Because **APPARENTLY** Kazari was flirting with Eiji-kun," Chiyoko said, placing a cowboy hat on her astronaut helmet for good measure. "Today's theme is space cowboys, by the way."

"WHERE IS ANKO????? I NEED TO KICK HIS ASS!!!!!!" Date shouted.

"Why? There are more important investigations to conduct," Hina told him, picking up the one remaining ice cream labeled 'For Eiji.' She showed it to Gotou. "Like who would have left this and a pile of money."

"Oh, that was because Ankh-kun burned a student yesterday." Gotou murmured. "I'm sorry about stealing the rest of the box, but I couldn't let his crimes go unpunished."

"That might have been around the same time he tossed the Core Medals into the river," Hina murmured, taking out her phone to check the timestamp on his texts. "Was it at 10:30 in the morning?"

Gotou looked at Date. "Twelve minutes after that."

"When did Hino-san wander off with a fever?"

"Yesterday evening. Ankh-chan wasn't specific when." Chiyoko told them.

"Stay here, Gotou-chan." Date hoisted his milk jug onto his back. "I'll look for them both today, and you can help me look this evening. And see if you hear anything, too."

"We'll help with that, too." Chiyoko said. Twenty minutes later, there was a picture of Eiji in his colorful underwear with the caption "Have You Seen This Hobo" posted to the wall.

  
  


Eiji opened his eyes. He felt eyes on him, and a damp weight on his forehead. He groaned, closing his eyes again, then realized he didn't recognize any of the blankets he was wrapped in.

He tried to sit up, but hands pushed him back down. "You need to rest," an unfamiliar voice told him. "Your fever broke, but you're not out of the woods yet."

Eiji groaned, his eyes finding the daylight streaming in through the window. "H-how long was I asleep?"

"Since you passed out on the sidewalk last night."

"And I've been..?"

"At my apartment. Hold on a moment." Eiji's mysterious new friend left the room for the whistling kettle in the other room. When she returned, she had soup - according to the smell that wafted over to Eiji.

His stomach growled. As much as he'd like to return to the streets in search of Ankh, he'd have to eat and recover first.

"Here, you should eat this. It's my grandmother's recipe she made each time we got sick."

"Thank you," Eiji smiled as she helped him to sit up. She was tall with auburn hair. He took small sips of the soup, as it was still steaming. "Your grandmother's recipe is working already. I'll be better in no time!" Slowly, he ate the whole bowl, then leaned back. "Do you have my phone anywhere?"

"I tried to turn it on, but it ran out of battery."

"Ah, that's okay. I can tell my friends I'm okay later. Ah, sorry for the late introduction. My name is Hino Eiji. Nice to meet you!" Eiji grinned, holding out a hand.

She shook his hand. "I'm Medalia Hikari. Nice to meet you."

"EHHHHHHHH?!?!??!?!?!?!?!"

Oh, Ankh was **_NOT_ ** going to believe this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Medalia is a Real Surname. Look it up.


End file.
